Paradoxical Intuition

Do you know, if you continue the way you are, things will just repeat. I gave in, I gave a way down for you to talk things out, you threw that away, you avoided, you just do as you like. It's like you have chosen your pride over me. Is your pride more important than anything else, more than what who you want to keep in your life, more than things that could actually be yours? I am never that straight forward about certain things, but this time round, you've gone too much, took me too much for granted.

Some know that no matter how angry I am, how pissed off I am with you, I can always forgive you again and again. Want me to be there, want me to say certain things, travel or even do a single things, are like so rare. Fuck yes, no obligations for the things I done for you, but fuck, you got it all. Well, I have done the things that I want to do. You let it go. You think that as time pass by we will still be same but you didn't realize how serious it is this time round. Time will not solve this unless you really want to face it and fix it. Seriously, I always trust you, and I just can't fucking believe that these is the same way you want to handle things like how you handle the rest of your friends.

I don't give a fuck if you just another person in my life. If you really decided to be just another person in my life, well, then I won't give a fuck about it anymore. Don't say that you are not worth for a fight, don't say that you are not worth because people let go of you too easily. Don't say that I don't understand. Ask yourself and answer yourself truthfully, stop giving me excuses.

I won't be that another person who will be saying that I am fucking all at fault, stuffs like this or let you 'win' in a way. Just because you mean a lot to my darn life, I rather be the one that is not being treated by you this way when things happen like how you treat others.

Memories will always stay, unless one day I got into an accident and lose all my memories. Even so, I do believe that people who really matters to me will remain in my heart. Just need those triggers to make me remember. Reading back some of the posts. Although there are complication of the way I phrase my words, I could remember what exactly do I mean and why. Everything that happened to make me start to blog again. Every single time.

Mixed feelings have been hitting on me since the time my FYP ended. Not a good thing. Maybe I am starting to know how I really feel. Starting to know that why am I doing all these and the reason behind everything. Sad to say, it is just going to be over soon. Oh well! I suddenly lose that feel to continue typing, as usual.

A call that ends my day well. A message that makes my day. A few sentences that changes my life. A few words that changes my mood. A misunderstanding that turn the whole world around. A clarification that turns it back. The one that i defend. The one that i will stand up for. The one that i won't let you fall. The one i will do things for. I am not know-it-all, i don't know what i can do more. We are probably nothing more but here i am letting my guards down to let you in if things are getting back in hand. Seriously, all these feels like a dream so true, like it is bring me to another step in life. Okay, bye.

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Finding place to rant.

Feeling half-hearted about tomorrow. Actually deep down i still feel that i should not have open this birthday gathering. At the same time, learned an experience in a way from it. What else can I do when i already did right? I really hate to say that things have not been going well. What is new thou? Problems after problems.

O.o Hmms.. Actually i really hate the fact that i just don't say anything about what is going on in my life. Still i will still be the same huh. Reason why no one can ever understand. Hahah, enough of rants. Need to really plan properly down the weeks. Sigh.

posted from Bloggeroid

It doesn't matter. Umpteen times I have said that to myself. Even the closest knows that it does matter,It's just, what can I really do about it? I still care. I will still be affected, just because it's important to me.

I've done that once, twice and perhaps thrice but not again. I realized, if someone really means something to me, the fact is the fact, even it meant hurting another person, because that's how a person really means to me. You can leave out some details, you can leave some things out, but never judge that person another way in front of others.

You? You can just simply do it over and over again, because it's me. You got the side of me that others wish to have, but you take it for granted. Not that I intentionally let you have this of me, but it just comes naturally. If nothing is going to change, probably I will be the one changing.

Finally, it came to an end for our Final Year Project. Awesome much. Been in it for 4 months with mix feelings. Seriously, mix feelings. Gawd. Now that is over. Need to find some things to do to keep my mind occupied a little more. Don't really want to start thinking about things thou I think I already did. Went out to play basketball just now. Glad that my arm is still okay. LOL. I will have that tendency to injured my arm for playing basketball. Still, I went ahead. Playing basketball during night time is really testing my eyesight. Best thing is, I am wearing contact lens and eyes were getting tired!

Went over to godmother's house randomly. Drank soup and so on. Actually I am quite fortunate to have her as my godmother huh? So many things have been happening. I have no idea where should I start facing. Don't even know I should say the truth. Don't even know it's something that should be done. Something related yet not, it's pretty disappointing. Happened once, twice, thrice, and again. Why am I still here? Sigh.